Skip navigation
759 Views 9 Replies Last post: Jun 19, 2017 12:30 AM by Maaku RSS
Level 0 2 posts since
Jan 13, 2017
Currently Being Moderated

Feb 21, 2017 5:32 PM

Anno Domini

Hi all, would really appreciate some reviews for my new release Anno Domini. The story is a suspense/thriller involving the physical emergence of the Satan into the modern world. The book is here on createspace and the popular epub distributors. Thanks fellow enthusiasts.

Level 5 3,505 posts since
Feb 1, 2011
Currently Being Moderated
1. Feb 21, 2017 5:51 PM in response to: Dean286
Re: Anno Domini

If you truly want us to look at your work then you should provide a hot link to where we can either read it all for free or else at LEAST view the Look Inside feature, so that we can get an idea.  Personally, I do not know your name and when I go to Amazon and search for Anno Domini in Books, I get 1,042 results:

 

1-12 of 1,042 results for Books :

 

Duh!  I give up!

 

Dan'l

Level 2 441 posts since
Apr 1, 2015
Currently Being Moderated
3. Feb 22, 2017 11:30 AM in response to: Dean286
Re: Anno Domini

   You won't get a valid review on this forum, not one that's equivalent to a purchaser's on Amazon, at least.  But since you went to the effort of posting a preview, which it's not, since your book is published, I will offer you a couple of comments for your consideration.

   In your efforts to be descriptive, you are over-shooting the mark to the point of obfuscation and embellishment.

EG: 'Dissecting the small hamlet was a sand covered worn main byway.' Did the byway have a scalpel?  You meant 'bisecting', right?  And 'sand covered worn main biway' needs at least: 'sand-covered, worn, main biway' for punctuation. Better yet, drop 'worn', 'main', and 'biway', and consider just calling it a road.

EG: 'He simply stared forward wisely understanding that in any direction all that could be seen would be miles of light sienna sand.'  So he 'simply' stared, but 'wisely' understood.  Do you catch the ambiguity here?  And it certainly wouldn't require a depth of understanding for a desert-dweller to know that sand was everywhere.  It's kinda obvious, isn't it?  "He looked around and saw nothing but sand', or something to that effect, would have handled this nicely.

EG: '...the nomad knew adjusting one's view...'  How do you do that, actually?  The view is what it is.  And why the third person (one's)?  'He shaded his eyes against the glare', or, 'He squinted', might be more what you're after?

   That's as far as I read.  I can see you struggling for originality.  Perhaps a good editor would help you accomplish it.—enkidu 

Level 5 3,830 posts since
Oct 27, 2010
Currently Being Moderated
4. Jun 8, 2017 7:06 AM in response to: enkidu
Re: Anno Domini

Byway is the correct spelling, but a byway is a side road, so the words main and byway just don't make sense when combined.

Level 5 3,830 posts since
Oct 27, 2010
Currently Being Moderated
5. Jun 8, 2017 7:31 AM in response to: Dean286
Re: Anno Domini

My curiosity was piqued by the previous poster's comments, so I had a peek. Tone it down, would be my advice, but seeing as you have already published the book, maybe that is unwelcome.

 

Here's an example, which just happens to be the first sentence:

 

The heat of the burning desert sun could

almost be seen descending downward,

scorching the weather worn rooftops of a

remote Middle Eastern village.

 

Heat, burning, and scorching all at once? You seem to have little faith in the meaning of the word heat. Similarly: descending downward? I've yet to see any other form of descent. Almost be seen? This is not a good way to write; either write about the heat haze (which is most certainly visible) or some other tangible effect. Effects which are only 'almost' tangible are not worth devoting words to. The snow could almost be heard? No. The rain could almost be smelt? No. Either it is or it isn't. Please use hyphens on compound adjectives: weather-worn. But before you make that edit consider whether weather-worn (forgive the puns) is what you really want to say. Weather-beaten is the more usual formulation, but if you deliberately wanted to indicate wear, could you be clearer about how the weather has worn away at the roofs? Now, roofs and rooftops are slightly different things, or at least the words have different usage. I think you mean roofs - check a few dictionaries just to be certain. I prefer specifics rather than generalities, as I think most people do, so I would replace Middle Eastern with something along the lines of Palestinian, Anatolian, or whatever.

Level 2 441 posts since
Apr 1, 2015
Currently Being Moderated
6. Jun 18, 2017 7:59 AM in response to: Maaku
Re: Anno Domini

Erm, getting the dust bunnies out of the filing system, are we?—enkidu

Level 5 3,830 posts since
Oct 27, 2010
Currently Being Moderated
7. Jun 18, 2017 6:06 PM in response to: enkidu
Re: Anno Domini

enkidu wrote:

 

Erm, getting the dust bunnies out of the filing system, are we?—enkidu

I don't understand. Plese explain.

Level 5 3,505 posts since
Feb 1, 2011
Currently Being Moderated
8. Jun 18, 2017 7:05 PM in response to: Maaku
Re: Anno Domini

I believe that he's referring to the fact that the post just above yours was made on Feb 22 - 4 months ago.

 

Dan'l

Level 5 3,830 posts since
Oct 27, 2010
Currently Being Moderated
9. Jun 19, 2017 12:30 AM in response to: danwiz
Re: Anno Domini

Aha. That would make sense.

Actions

More Like This

  • Retrieving data ...