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517 Views 3 Replies Last post: Feb 13, 2018 11:13 AM by Kidsontrump RSS
Level 0 9 posts since
Feb 23, 2017
Currently Being Moderated

Feb 1, 2018 2:48 PM

Anyone Want to Swap Previews or Feedback?

I'm willing to give Preview feedback or even general feedback in exchange for feedback on a list of draft chapter story titles.  Just looking for gut reactions to the working titles to get a feel of which one people like or hate.

I have posted the to my preview below:

 

http:// https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1238862

 

 

Many thanks in advance and I look forward to reading your previews or giving you feedback on your latest project!

 

Marie Korman

Level 0 1 posts since
Feb 9, 2018
Currently Being Moderated
1. Feb 9, 2018 11:57 PM in response to: Kidsontrump
Re: Anyone Want to Swap Previews or Feedback?

I do! .. my first novel start, share yours & I’ll give feedback

True Memoirs of a “Lost Cause”..

 

 

 

Honestly .. where do you start with a title like that?

 

I’ll tell you where we start...

 

 

 

Let’s start at the beginning.. let’s go back to the first memory of mine in which I was labelled as the definition of a lost cause. Let’s go back to the events of that day, let’s discuss those who judged and titled me first.. My own “family” .. lets break the barrier of the truth beyond the comfort zone of the ones who felt so entitled to assume my label for me at no more than six years old. Hidden & discrete as it may have seemed in the silence of someone they portrayed as broken, at last the fears of their actions would finally come to light.

 

 

 

I was six the first time I remember having heard my definition by “default”, grabbing my dinner off the grill of my aunts boyfriends friends barbecue. I grabbed my fork and filled my plate standing on the deck.. All while listening to my mother get put down by what she considered her only family, by those who knew the worst of what she went through, by the only people in this world that she should have been able to rely on, there they all were ... no better than how they viewed her in the end and yet.. putting her down for how bad she failed in life.

 

 

 

My mother was divorced after having been cheated on, having married too young, having been raised without a father & by a family of women who had no concern for women based on what life was in their time. A young mother who was single & raising two children without support & having never been given the skills to succeed alone and independent, dealing with two children who were acting out at no fault of her own, covering for everyone absence in our lives and taking the blame herself.

 

 

 

There stood her support system.. her own blood & friends, her own sister, her own allies.. discussing how bad shes failing as a mother... how bad she made these so called family members look.. viewed as a joke amongst the people she should have been able to trust to protect her, she stood there still.. trying to hold on to the people who should have supported her most even despite the fact they had no interest in supporting her at all, people who instead took her life’s outcome and used it to make themselves feel superior.

 

 

 

There my mother stood, taking belittlement in-front of her own child, still loving those who she considered family. The ones who didn’t bother to stand behind her despite their knowledge of her painful history, despite her being there to support them whenever they were in need.

 

 

 

Through all of my mothers horrifying events she stood alone in her battles, she stood beside those who didn’t back her, reaching out everytime despite the look of disgust on their faces when she approached..

 

 

 

It is here that we begin.. here where I allowed that definition to label me, here where I first stood with anger.. It was here where I first heard myself considered a lost cause, that I listened to their judgemental thoughts on how I wouldn’t make it to 15 without being pregnant, where I would fail in life and fall into the depths of those who don’t graduate, that I would fail on every front and be one of those people who would go no where .. a burden on society.. it is here at six years old I may have believed them, but more importantly it is here in this moment which I repeated in every one of life’s struggling moments, in every blurred line of right and wrong where I took myself back, just to prove they were wrong. It is this, that gave me the strength to be so much more than they assumed.

 

 

 

Before we get in depth about my life, let’s get one thing straight.. My mother was only human.. she wasn’t handed the world on a silver platter, she wasn’t given the keys to succeed in life .. she wasn’t pampered or told she was special, she wasn’t raised to believe she could conquer the world. No.. my mother was robbed of self respect, robbed of acceptance, robbed of support & robbed of believing she meant more than the view of her audience. She was raised in a world where women were trained to keep the interest of their men, where women were the ones failing if their men strayed or didn’t want to come home at night. My mother was raised in a world where women were nothing more than a wife.. where money took precedence over love... where women weren’t allowed to have an opinion.

Level 3 854 posts since
Jul 18, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
2. Feb 10, 2018 2:18 PM in response to: JStarr88
Re: Anyone Want to Swap Previews or Feedback?

Lose the bloody ampersand! Annoying as heck and has no place in a novel, or memoir. It should never replace the word, 'and' in creative writing.

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