Skip navigation

This Question is Answered

1 "correct" answer available (10 pts) 1 "helpful" answer available (5 pts)
348 Views 3 Replies Last post: Apr 26, 2018 2:31 PM by Phoenix61 RSS
Level 0 2 posts since
Apr 24, 2013
Currently Being Moderated

Apr 19, 2018 8:56 AM

The Arising preview! I would love your feedback.

If you have a work you would like a preview to as well, I would be happy to return the favor. Thank you in advance!

 

 

https://www.createspace.com/Preview/1242970

Level 3 853 posts since
Jul 18, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
1. Apr 21, 2018 8:29 PM in response to: mastersarge
Re: The Arising preview! I would love your feedback.

A couple of things you may want to keep in mind when presenting a preview to us. One; do a simple copy and paste of your preview into the text box rather that offering a downloadable PDF that may or may not carry a virus. Two; get rid of watermarking to enable us to read it without such obstacles.

There were a few jarring typos and grammar snafus that did not bode well for the overall story. I would have thought two steel swords/sabers meeting would clash, clang, etc.. against one another, rather than slash?

 

Top of the third page...

Dust filled the soldiers' nostrils. The must [sic] made it difficult to breathe, and Preston could see that neither was willing to spend the night on the ridge.

 

Perhaps:

 

Dust filled the soldiers' nostrils making it difficult to breath, ...

 

The other passage I questioned was the ability to clench one's fist enough to draw blood where no wound previously existed?

 

My overall impression was that the fights both lasted far too long, or at least, described for too long. It was not an enjoyable read because of this. It showed promise of a good story, but I feel you let yourself down with poor grammar and bad word choices as well as getting bogged down in the action rather than allowing the reader to see some of it with out being told everything down to the last parry.

 

I say all this with a good heart and the best of intentions. There is nothing there that a good editor cannot fix. I wish you the best of luck and hope you see success with your book.

Level 3 853 posts since
Jul 18, 2009
Currently Being Moderated
3. Apr 26, 2018 2:31 PM in response to: mastersarge
Re: The Arising preview! I would love your feedback.

Your welcome.

Actions

More Like This

  • Retrieving data ...